“How DO you do it?”

People say to me all the time: 
You have the best attitude!

Someone said to me today: you inspire me.

Sometimes they ask: how do you do it?

This should make me feel good-right?
To be honest it just kind of puzzles me.  I don't see anything I'm doing in particular. Just doing me.

I was pondering this: what is it? 

in my 20's and 30's, while my friends were getting married, having kids, working hard, traveling, getting divorced, remarried, launching kids...I was focused on healing and recovery.
Don't get me wrong-I socialized (a lot!), traveled, dated, worked hard in my field.
But my priority was healing: Therapy.  Acupuncture. Yoga. Writing. Therapy. Retreats. Books. Reiki. Meditation. Therapy. It wasn't necessarily a conscious choice; it was more from PLEASE HELP ME NOT FEEL THIS BAD. It was all motivated by pain, and also a felt sense that there was something better. That I didn't have to feel that bad--and pretend all was fine.
At the time, I was not public about it-the shame was pretty strong. Shame for having PTSD, shame for working so hard in recovery. Shame for NEEDING  to work so hard.
I remember feeling envious of people in 12-step recovery; the ones that that were so open about it. I longed to feel that comfortable with my healing, with my need for healing.

I'm much more comfortable with it now (obviously).

And when I get a little quiet, and sit with "how AM I dealing with this nightmare shitshow?"
The response that rises to the top is: the work I did on my trauma.

being seen/heard/validated
(over and over and over)
processing
tears
releasing rage
finding permission to feel (especially the BIG FEELINGS)
learning to recognize when I needed emotional regulation
and how to regulate
integration-the parts that stayed separate, that I put in different places at 4 and 5yo to survive, coming back together. (this was-is-a long, arduous process. It's NOT easy.)

Please don't mistake this as some kind of advice or recommendation; "do your emotional healing in case you get cancer" or similar. I mean, I'm grateful to be able to take care of myself in this way. When I look back on all of the work I've done, I'm glad, particularly as it serves me now. But that's not why I did it.

Maybe just do whatever you feel called to do for yourself. Just to do it.

you deserve it.
We all do.