reach out. connect. We\’re all we\’ve got.

I want to write a blog post.
I started one earlier today.
But I was writing it for….well, you (whoever may be reading this).
Not *from* me.

I have had an eventful, meaningful last two weeks: I went to Jen Pastiloff\’s retreat at Kriplau, which  as always cracked me open in ways I didn\’t realize existed before I got there.

And I went back to my hometown and had a reunion with folks I had been in a special contained pilot class with in 5th and 6th grade and had not seen since then, as my family moved when I was 12.  (they all went through HS together). It was mind-blowing.  And also cracked me open in unexpected ways.

Writing is like breathing for me. It is  how I process my thoughts, my feelings, my experiences. It is how I am in the WORLD.  And yet I have had no energy to write about either or both of these watershed experiences. Yes, it\’s not been that long since they happened.  But usually I can\’t wait to get to the keyboard, especially when there are experiences like that to process.

And today, what I was writing just felt forced. Not authentic. Not ME.

I\’m tired.  Not the kind of tired from not enough sleep, the kind of tired from being a Highly Sensitive Person in a constant state of worry, anger, and sometimes helplessness in the current situation in our country, and the world.

There was yet another mass shooting today. Twenty people were killed, including an infant, while shopping in Wal Mart.  We seem to have lost our way, in such a huge manner I can\’t even wrap my brain around it.  We have lost our connection to each other. I worry we have all lost our connection to OURSELVES.  The two are related. And there are so many folks who are marginalized and oppressed and don\’t have the same privilege as others. How can we connect to ourselves, or each other, without equity? It\’s a mess.
The bad news about that is that it can just keep cycling–the good news, that any break in that cycle anywhere can change the course.

But how?

God, I wish I knew. I work daily to try to be connected to myself. It\’s not easy, it\’s not easy for me, and it\’s not easy in general for anyone right now.  I try to foster connections to others….and as an empath, can easily have my energy totally drained by that.  There is so much chaos swirling around right now. I am exhausted. My heart hurts. I try to balance staying up to date on what is happening and what I can do every day with my own self-care so that I don\’t get drained, and most days I fail.  And most days my heart breaks for all the shit that we can no longer ignore as a society (which, thank GOD, but still).

No big finish here. I am hoping one day very soon to share my experiences of the last two weekends-they were amazing, and worth sharing. I hope to be in a place where I have the energy to process these things I\’m so blessed to be able to experience.

I am hoping one day not to be so tired, so sad, so angry, so drained.

And I am hoping that all of you are taking care of yourselves, and each other.  It\’s not just more important than things, or money, or even power or status–it\’s the most important thing. Truly.

And it is that simple: we must, must take care of ourselves, and each other.

Not one or the other.

BOTH.

Take good care, all. Every day. And reach out.  We\’re all we\’ve got.